THANKSGIVING EVE: I can’t even get mad at this night for turning into an annual high school reunion, I know exactly what I’m walking into each year. What I truly hate about the night before Thanksgiving is the endless amount of sugar-coated bullshit I have to listen to. New penthouse in Tribeca? Timeshare in the Hamptons? Engagement on the horizon? I have a hard time believing all of this and I think it’s time you hear why. You see, although we’ve all carried on in different directions, there’s still one thing that unites us: gossip. For example, just last week I heard over Instant Messenger that you found your girlfriend cheating on you with your college roommate. Then there was that time a couple of months ago I had a friend look you up in the Morgan Stanley company directory. It was then I found out you were just an intern, and not a VP as you so claim to be. I immediately took this information to Instant Messenger and filled in half of our graduating class of the discovery. It was nice of you to take half a breath to ask me how I’m doing, but here’s the point in the conversation where I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear your question and mumble something about needing to use the bathroom. See you next year, pal.
